Blackbird, by Paul McCartney

Una vez saqué de la colección de cd’s de mi papá el White Album de Los Beatles. Lo había escuchado en alguna ocasión anterior sin prestarle mucha atención, la portada blanca del álbum se me antojaba un poco aburrida. Esa segunda vez, a los 15 años, de pronto algo conectó en mi cerebelo de adolescente. El blanco minimalista tranquilizó, aunque sea levemente, toda esa confusión sentimental que electrificaba mi cuerpo y el caos que ensordecía mis pensamientos. Empezó a sonar esa canción, Blackbird, mi canción (y seguramente la de muchas otras personas, pero a veces me gusta sentir que es sólo mía) y el mundo se calló por una milésima de segundo. Fue un respiro existencial en ese entonces y lo es hoy aún.  Tal vez de las pocas cosas que tienen sentido en mi vida, por eso es el título de mi blog y la razón de mi tatuaje.

La música en general tiene ese efecto en mí (es mi todo), pero esta canción en concreto es mi pequeño himno personal.

Adjunto la letra de esta canción por si alguien la necesita. Para mi es una canción terapéutica. De pronto le sirve a alguien también.

BLACKBIRD

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

FullSizeRender

Sunday scribbling

The sun is setting. Downstairs I hear Bach and all its solemnity. My ass has been sitting all weekend. I might have become one with the sofa.

(Find the author in the photo)

(Find the author in the photo)

I turn off my music (Queen – I want to break free) so I can hear Bach better. It has always had a focusing effect on me. I used it to study for finals, and when those were done I was glad to turn Bach off again and remove the religious mist from my room.

Image

Weekends are kind of a test for my existence. What to do? Where to go? I want to do something useful, practical, fun, adventurous, new. Yeah! Let’s do that! (Couple of minutes later I turn on my computer and that’s that. It is amazing how much time one can waste on internet). Procrastination. I suffer from that illness. Otherwise I am totally healthy. My doctor told me so on friday. I told her, like I tell my therapist, that something is very wrong with me. I can’t seem to be able to find my dreams and objectives amongst all my thoughts. “You WANT something to be wrong with you”, she tells me. “That way you would have an excuse for your laziness and lack of will”. She didn’t exactly use those words, but that is how I heard it.

Will, like sports, like brushing my teeth, is a habit. I think. (Opened Facebook to check my home page real quick, even though I checked it seconds ago. It’s addictive, I’m telling you. I even googled “Facebook addiction” once and found an article ,which I never finished reading cause I got distracted with Facebook).

The music downstairs stopped. We found my dad’s old LP collection. It’s mostly classical music. We bought an LP player, a new one. I wanted a vintage-looking one but we had to buy it in the States and then bring it to Ecuador so we just said, “What the hell” and bought this ugly one here. We are really excited about it, but the thing is we have to go downstairs and turn the LP around when one side is over. I thought it would be good to go back to this not-so-automatic way of doing things. Let’s see how long it lasts.

Image

But since side A of Bach is over I will go back to my own music. I put play on my youtube playlist: Mystery Jets – Serotonin. It’s a really good song. It’s on my Favourites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAyMpUFboA4&feature=share&list=FLjA3ZpiA2Xl0jDhfj2r2H_Q

Anyway, weekends. Right. I always say I’ll leave the city, go camping, spot whatever place on the map and go there, talk to friends, talk to strangers, go for a coffee, bake a cake, learn how to play the guitar, figure out what to do with my life, find my dream job, (no boss, no schedule, no office…. I want too much), clean every LP and put them on new boxes. Wait, we did that already. Write. Writing is hard though. I think most people think it’s easy. You just sit down and scribble down whatever. But it’s not like that. It’s really hard. I read this quote the other day, by Thomas Mann, “A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” It is so true, at least for me. I want to write everyday, but many times i just don’t seem to be able to do it. Words, reason, abstraction, it is tiresome and I am out of habit. Even when I get on inspiration mode and I am able to write for days and days in a row, I end up so tired and I can’t think or talk or do anything at all.

Image

Ok, this post is long enough. THE END. Hey, Bach is back on.

Album du jour: Washed Out – Paracosm (full album)

Really nice album just to listen to during the day. While working, drinking coffee, driving, doing whatever. Me. I’m working… supposedly. Actually my mind is blocked. But this album works for that too.

Album du season: Alt-J – Interlude + Tessellate

I must share two of the songs of this amazing album. It’s too good. I have it on repeat since…. I don’t even remember. At this time of the day, when it is already dark and you didn’t even realize, you have a bunch of stuff to think about and your head is spinning like crazy, this is great music to listen to.

Mr. Little Jeans – The Suburbs

Very good song for this Wednesday afternoon in this corner of the world. The view outside my window is cloudy, greyish and apparently quiet, because I cannot really hear the cars that are passing outside. But they are there. Enjoy!