Vs.

I Must get it out.
Out of my brain
My mouth
My fingers.

Out, I tell you!
The helplessness
Of not being able
Of barely touching
Of almost screaming
Almost saying
Almost letting go
So close.

Not close enough
To satisfy me.
This appetite for emotion
This need for feeling
To feel as strong,
As Intensely as my thoughts
As my hand in a fist
As my anger towards me
Towards what I see of me
In what I hate
I the ones I hate.

I shiver
When faced with instinct.
How I envy you!
Action without reason
Feeling without guilt.
Spilling out guts and brain
Words and tears
Until there is nothing
But silence.
An everlasting ease
Peace of mind
Breath
Heart beat.

Stripped to the bone
Naked
Torn
Put back together again
Nothing left but skin
And nowhere else to hide.

I stood in the presence of instinct
Just the other night.
It didn’t look me in the eye
It showed itself through color
Pure and bare.
I felt small.
Reason creeping in
Control
Self control
Order
Cleanliness
Caution
Prevention
Madness

Is everything organized?
Are my shirts color-coded?
Can I tell you what to do?
Please do everything my way.
I’ll go crazy otherwise.
The chaos inside my head
Is somewhat blinding
It makes no sense
I cannot think.

Instinct tells me to scream
Reason tells me to hold it.

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