At ease

One is at constant struggle. Trying to feel something or not to feel it. Trying to say something, trying to keep it all in. Trying to have it all done an not wanting to do anything at all. Constantly trying as if two worlds would be struggling, one constantly opposing the other, the pasive and the active, desire over necessity, dreams against reality. The truth is, one doesn´t have to anihilate the other in order for it to happen, to become real… as much as we want to feel the forces inside ourself killing eachother. Hegel talked about an absolute spirit. Spirit as what includes it all, something which is alive and in constant movement. Absolut as in what unites all the opposites and is made of them, not as one over the other but as things that compliment eachother and that require of their differences in order to be a one. So after much chaos and fighting against myself I feel at ease. Today, yestarday… in between all the work, the datelines, the pressure, the mistakes. It is a feeling I don´t know how to handle. I am not used to it. The tv is on, the music is on, the cars and the people in the street are screaming and I am still at ease… funny, funny feeling.

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